None of your business

 I have struggled my entire life with people pleasing. 

Now, this is a loaded statement, so I'll break it down in parts and lead to where I ended up at the end. It was a long journey but Im finally at a place where I feel at peace.

First let me say, my entire life I've been labeled as selfish, spoiled, a brat and ungrateful. This started as far back as I can remember and it defined my desperation to " make people like me" and "walk on egg shells".

It's not a good feeling, thinking everyone thinks negatively about you all the time.

What I found, after looking back and analyzing the reasons was this.

1. My Dad didnt neglect me and people resented it because of their own experience with being neglected

He worked full time, took care of me, my mother and my Grandmother ( his Mom) for years. My parents had me relatively early in life, Mom at 20 and Dad at 25 and honestly, I couldn't have done it at that age. The problem was, all of my parents friends either did the same, having children early, or decided not to do it at all. None of them, however, ever changed their lifestyles. All lot parties included alcohol and music for the adults. Nothing was actually dedicated to kids, the way things are now. My Dad, however, would take entire weekends and not only take me out to do something I would actually enjoy, but he would take my cousins and sometimes even the neighborhood kids out with us. 

I was seen as spoiled for not being neglected, how messed up is that?

Then there was the fact that I was a girl and an only child. I was labeled with " only child syndrome " 

What actually happened was, I didn't want for anything so I didn't ask for much. 

I also had a secret that no child should ever have and I had it from a very young age, so I did my best not to attract attention to myself. ( I'll get into that another time)

2. Everyone else's Dad's sucked. 

That's not to say they didn't care in their own way or financially take care of their families. They absolutely did, for the most part. But my Dad could get down to my level. He taught me to fish and enjoy football and baseball, he kept it kid friendly while still showing me what he enjoyed as well.

Most Dads don't do that, not because they dont want to, but because its what they knew from their own Dads.  

There's something to be said about having a strong male person to look up to. Being female, usually it's your Mother that becomes the example. But, as previously stated in last blogs, I did not have that. My example of Motherhood and being an independent woman comes as an opposite of what it should be. Unfortunately, my Mother never flourished as a maternal figure and adult due to mental and physical handicaps so when I question myself I my roles, it's always to the tune of what my Mother didn't do instead of what she did do.

Having 3 girls myself, I strive to show them how to be independent, how to make sure they grow to not rely on anyone but also show them that a loving partnership is also possible at the same time. 

I would love the opportunity to talk with our community about these types of topics. Reach out! Let's talk!